Men – It’s Okay to Ask for Help

By: Dan McDonald

What’s the clog in your life right now, and what are you doing to fix it? 

Last week, my bathroom sink just wouldn’t drain. Here’s what I did instead of calling a plumber:

  • Used Drano (didn’t work)
  • Researched which drain clearing tools to buy 
  • Used those drain clearing tools (didn’t work)
  • Googled home remedies for clearing drains
  • Used baking soda/vinegar home remedy (didn’t work)  
  • Watched YouTube videos on how to disassemble sink pipes
  • Took sink pipes apart and washed them out (didn’t work)

All told, my do-it-yourself effort yielded hours of lost time, caused a great deal of stress, and prevented my family from using the sink for multiple days. Why didn’t I just call a plumber?

We live in a society that celebrates and defines “real” men as independent problem solvers – ever seen a guy in a car commercial who’s stuck in the mud call for a tow truck? I didn’t think so. And, if for some reason you can’t solve the problem independently, you should:

  • 1. Pretend like you can do it (even though you can’t) 
  • 2. Do something else instead (abandon the first thing or ignore it altogether)
  • 3. Minimize the situation (make fun of it, for example)

Over time, these external messages become our internal monologue, producing low self-esteem, avoidance, and inauthenticity. They make it difficult or even stigmatizing to ask for help when we need it – “if you ask for help,” the monologue says, “you aren’t good enough.” It lays the foundation for our little clogs to become plumbing nightmares.

This has proven especially true amidst the COVID-19 epidemic, as the virus has taken away some of our usual strategies (it’s hard to ignore issues when you can’t get out of the house!). It’s easy to feel trapped or helpless when your tried-and-true tools have been taken away. As strong and capable as we are, this is a good reminder that we are human, after all. Sometimes, when escape is not an option, we must address our issues head-on and seek out help when needed.

Thankfully, there are professionals available to help you navigate unfamiliar territory – “plumbers,” who can address the clog before it builds up and causes even more stress and hardship. At Sunstone, we have multiple male counselors who understand what it’s like to feel less than capable, and have felt the pressure from internal and external voices telling us that, as men, we must do it ourselves. We can help you unclog the “drains” of life, whether it’s figuring out how to manage stress, anxiety, or depression, have more successful relationships, make career changes, or anything else that is getting in the way of living the healthy and fulfilled life you deserve. 

First, though…you need to ask for help!

Reach out to one of us for an initial consultation.

Would you like to learn more?
Sunstone Counseling aims to support you throughout life’s challenges. Stay up-to-date on upcoming workshops and group sessions, and get mental health tips and resources when you connect with us.

Filed under: Men's Issues


About Sunstone Counseling

Founded in 2011, Sunstone Counseling serves hundreds of people every year with 70+ counselors and locations in Alexandria, Falls Church, Ashburn, McLean, Richmond, and online. We are dedicated to meeting the community’s mental health needs by providing comprehensive, accessible, and high-quality counseling services. With a range of experience and price points, Sunstone sets itself apart by making mental health counseling easily accessible to all. We believe everyone deserves to shine brighter and be their best selves.

Safe and supportive care for all ages and stages of life
We offer counseling services for adults, children, adolescents, couples, families, and groups.

Multiple locations and flexible billing
With offices in Alexandria, Falls Church, McLean, Ashburn, Richmond, and online, you can get the help you need, when you need it.

A range of counselors and rates
Our diverse and qualified counselors’ rates vary based on their level of experience and training, as well as the length and type of your session.

Contact Us to schedule a consultation and get started on your path to a brighter tomorrow.